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Planning Your Wedding

Congratulations on your engagement!! Now it is time to start planning for that big day. Below is a straightforward guide to planning your wedding. Your very first step should be to set up an email account for your wedding. Go to Yahoo or Hotmail or one of the other free email services and set up an account entitled (yourname)vendors or (yourname)wedding or something that will be exclusive to your wedding, be creative and have fun with it. Use this new email address whenever you sign up for anything pertaining to your wedding at bridal fairs or from magazines or stores. Over the next few months you will be getting a lot of emails from wedding vendors; DJ's, Caterers, Photographers, etc. and it will be much easier on you if these are all sent to your new wedding email account rather than your personal account. Besides, a lot of these will go right into your "Bulk Mail" folder and if you are in the habit of simply emptying that folder without looking at it then you will miss some great offers and opportunities. You can turn off the Bulk Mail folder on your new wedding account and take a look at all the offers. The real spammers probably won't find your new account for a few months and by then you may have no more need for it. You can always turn the "Bulk Mail" folder on but don't forget to look at it before deleting everything in it.

This will be an ongoing project for a while so check back often for more tips. 6/28/06

Some abbreviations that I will be using: Future Husband - FH; Future Mother-in-Law - FML; I won't be using Future Wife - FW because there are so few men that will be reading this that if you are an FH and are reading this then you have the luckiest FW in the world. :)

Here is a quick outline of the major steps you should take in planning your wedding.

Budget - Set a Limit
Set approximate date - Be FLEXIBLE
Venue - Where will it be held
Caterer - YUM!
Officiant - I DO
Other Support Services - Photographer, Videographer, Entertainment, etc.
Wedding Dress - You will be absolutely beautiful in any dress
Wedding Cake - YUM! Again
Invitations
Honeymoon plans

You may need to be quite flexible during the early planning stages. If you set a date that is 3 - 6 months away, you will find that most of the wedding sites are already booked; Caterers and officiants and other support services may also be booked for the date you want. So be flexible. You may need to get married on Friday night or on Sunday, these days are not as busy as Saturdays, and sometime less expensive, or keep looking. If your wedding is a year or more away you may still need to be a bit flexible because some of these services will already be booked but it should be easier to find something to your liking on the date you want.

1. BUDGET: OK, you did it. You found the love of your life and you are going to get married. It is time for the 2 of you to sit down and have a serious talk about what kind of wedding you both want to have and how much you both are comfortable spending on it. This talk should not include parents, just the 2 of you. Planning this wedding is a joint venture and you both have to be on the same page or it will be extremely stressful and not as much fun as it should be. You both should take part in every stage of the planning and hiring for this wedding as this is the start of your life together. Of course you don't even want to try planning a wedding during football season! :)

When budgeting for your wedding, you don't have to do a detailed budget right away but rather simply set a top limit on how much you are willing to spend, $5,000 or $20,000 or $50,000. If you have always wanted the lavish wedding with 9 Bridesmaids and 400 guests and can AFFORD it without going deeply into debt and your FH is ok with a big wedding then go for it. But, if that isn't you or your financial situation then go smaller or wait until finances permit the larger wedding. You don't want to start your married life together with major financial problems because you overspent on the wedding.

Before I go any farther I want to stress one huge point: This is your wedding and you should do it YOUR way!! This is not your parents' wedding, and if you want to get married on a mountaintop or beach with 4 people in attendance then that is what you should do. If your parents (Mothers especially) have always had the dream of you getting married in a church and then having a huge reception at the Country Club but you don't want that or your FH isn't comfortable with that then let them know right away, up front, that that is not going to happen! It is your wedding not theirs. If they want the Country Club reception, etc then they can renew their vows and have that! Yes, there may be some hurt feelings but it is better to get those out of the way right away rather than a few weeks later when Mom is dragging you around to the Country Club to make the arrangements.

If you are going to hire a wedding coordinator then you would want to do this right now before you look for your venue. Wedding Coordinators can take a lot of the work and stress out of planning your wedding but you need to find one that you can work with and will do your wedding your way and not their way. Once again, it is your wedding! This goes for all the support staff that you hire not just coordinators.

2. SET AN APPROXIMATE DATE: When setting a date for your wedding choose a range of dates that are acceptable to you and your FH and go from there. Once you find some venues that are available on those date and then contract with the venue you liked best then your date will be set. Venues book up quickly and you may look at one which is available on the specific date you prefer but then you look at a few more and decide that you want that first one and it already booked for the date you wanted. Bummer. But if you have alternate dates that are acceptable then you may still be able to get that spot.

3. VENUE: This will be your biggest headache but can also be a lot of fun.

You will want to find the venue first and get the date for that set, then everything else will fall into place! Call around to find out if the dates you have chosen are available before spending time driving to each one. Find out just what is included in their fee. How many guests? Are the tables and chairs included? How Many? How much for extras? Table coverings? Plates and Silverware? Do they have another event that same day, either before or after your wedding? What time can you get in to decorate? What time do you have to vacate the grounds? What about clean-up; will they do it or do you have to do it? Do they have support services on site that you are required to use or can you bring in your own. Some reception halls have an "approved" list of vendors that you must choose from or they require that you use their Caterer, DJ, Photographer, etc and have a package price for the whole event. This is sometimes a good deal and sometimes it isn't. These package deals take a lot of the work out of the planning but you give up making choices; it becomes their wedding and not yours. Of course, if you meet with everyone involved in the package and are happy with them and would hire them separately anyway, then go with it if the price is right.

If you are going to have the wedding ceremony in a church or someplace other than the reception site then you have to coordinate the date between the two spots, not always an easy chore. Be prepared to switch dates if your church or favorite Pastor are not available on the date the reception site is available. If you absolutely have to get married on a certain date then be ready spend more time looking for a site and support staff that can accomodate that date. Be as flexible as possible.

4. CATERER: Get those taste buds ready for a real treat! Your next challenge will be to find a Caterer for your wedding. Some venues have a list of Caterers that they have worked with previously and by all means give them a call but don't limit your choices to this list. Once again, call around to Caterers in your area and find out if they are available on your wedding date. If they are, make an appointment to go taste their food! When you get there, take a look at their menus and pricing if you haven't already looked at them online. Find a menu that is in your price range; most Caterers have standard menus for weddings and you can pick and choose different salads, entrees, etc. from the options on the menus. The menus will have different prices/plate depending on what the options are. Your next step is to start tasting! YUM! Make sure you taste items that are on the menu you are interested in. It doesn't do you any good to taste the Chateau Briand(their specialty) if the Ravioli is what you will be serving your guests. :) Take notes at each Caterer so you remember what you liked and what you didn't and I would suggest that you not visit more than 3 in any one day so your palates don't get overloaded.

Be aware that most of the pricing on the menus is for 100 people/plates. So if the menu says $30 per plate that would be per plate for 100 guests; the price typically goes up per plate if you have less than 100 people and stays the same or goes down if you have more than 100 people but that depends on the Caterer. Read the small print on the bottom of the sample menus.

You've tasted lot's of great food and now you must decide, good luck! Sometimes the deciding factor will simply be price other times it will be a toss of the coin; heads it's XYZ Catering, tails it's ABC Catering. Whichever you choose you then need to go back and sign the contract, leave a deposit and pick your menu items. Just like at the venue, find out exactly what the fees include before you sign anything. How many people/plates? Buffet or table service? What menu choices? How much for additional items? Plates and Silverware? Table coverings and napkins, if not provided by the venue? Soft drinks, coffee, etc? Liquor and Bartender? Wine, Champagne for toast? If it is not spelled out in the contract it is not included/provided. Make sure you know all the details so there are no surprises later. I hate those kinds of surprises and I imagine you do also.

At this time you may want to go out and taste wedding cakes also. The same process goes for Bakers as for Caterers. Taste, Taste, Taste! Find out how much per slice and how many tiers are included in the price? Is delivery to your reception spot included? Will they place cake charms if you provide them, if you want them? Prices will vary, shop around.

5. OFFICIANT: If you go to Church regularly and have a favorite Priest or Rabbi that is going to perform the ceremony then all you have to do is make sure they are available on the date you have set; actually you probably already did this when you booked the Church. If you don't have a Priest or Rabbi or other religious figure to marry you then you will need to start looking for an Officiant to perform the ceremony. There are a lot of choices here. You can go through the phone book, look on the internet, or check out the Bridal Fairs and wedding guides such as the Perfect Wedding Guide (www.perfectweddingguide.com) also in print, or The Wedding & Special Event Yellow Pages (www.weddingyellow.com) also in print, or other local guides that can be found at most Bridal Shops. Once you have found some Officiants in the area where you are going to get married it is time to interview them. Make sure they will perform the ceremony the way you want it done; remember, Your Wedding! Religious or Non-denominational. Unity Candle lighting? Wine ceremony? Perfect for an outdoor wedding at a winery like Justine and I. Sand ceremony?Long or short ceremony? Will you write your own vows or use the standard ones? What do you want included or left out of the standard vows ? You can also have a friend or relative marry you. They can become an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church (www.ULC.org) right online for free in minutes, or they can go to the County Offices where you are getting married and become a "Deputy Commissioner" for a day. I am ordained by the ULC, just in case the Officiant doesn't show up some day the wedding can still go on.

6. Support Staff: Congratulations! You now have the major pieces of the wedding puzzle in place and the wedding can go on. Now it is time to hire the support services for your wedding. By now you know what the major items are going to cost and what kind of budget you have left for the rest of the wedding. When hiring your support services make sure they are wedding professionals!!! Weddings are a real specialty and take a lot of experience and knowledge. A fashion photographer probably will not be a great wedding photographer and a club or party DJ probably will not be a great wedding DJ. You wouldn't go to a Foot Doctor to have a brain tumor removed so why would you chance ruining your wedding by hiring non- wedding professionals.

The Photographer will probably be the most expensive person of the remaining services unless you hire a band. Shop around and take a look at the wedding photographs they have done and get references. Call these references and ask about the service they received. How they liked the final photos/albums. Also ask if they were happy with the way the photographer interacted with the guests; very important as some photographers move effortlessly through the crowd taking candid shots while others must have someone pose for them. Personally, I am in favor of the candid shots but you might like the other. You need to know this before hiring the photographer. When you sit down and talk with the photographer, find out the fees and just what is included. How many proofs? What size and how many final prints? Are the parents' albums included in the price? How long before the wedding will they arrive for pre-wedding photos? How long will they be at the wedding? Are the fees for a certain number of hours; 4 hours, 5 hours? Or will they be there until all the important photos are taken, i.e. first dance, cake cutting, bouquet and garter toss? Will there be extra charges if they stay longer? I have worked with photographers that left after their 4 hours were done and missed the cake cutting, first dance and all the rest of the good stuff; don't let this happen to you!!

Entertainment is an extremely important part of any wedding and can make or break it. The big question here is DJ or Live Band?? I am definitely prejudiced here and say DJ!! But let's look at the differences between hiring a DJ and a Live Band. The biggest difference is versatility; I don't know of any band that can play "Baby Got Back" (one of the most requested songs at weddings), "The Way You Look Tonight" - Sinatra, "Back at One" - Brian Mcknight, "Honky Tonk, Bedonkadonk", "Redneck Woman", "YMCA", "The Macarena", "Get Low", and "My Humps" and actually sound somewhat like the songs you've heard on the radio, or even know the songs. I could go on with the list of songs that have been requested at weddings lately but you get the idea. Live Bands tend to play Country or Rock or a slim combination of both. If anyone knows of a band that can play all the songs above please let me know because I'd like to refer them. A Live Band typically plays for 45 - 60 minutes and then takes a break at which time the guests either dance to some recorded music or sit around for 20 minutes until the band comes back. A DJ can keep the music going all night without taking a break therefore your guests get to keep partying without interruption if they choose to. Finally, a DJ has the ability to provide music for the ceremony along with the reception music where most bands couldn't even hope to play "Canon in D" by Pachelbel! So yes, I am prejudiced but for good reasons and I preferred a DJ long before I became one myself back in 1996.

How much should you budget for your entertainment/DJ? A good rule of thumb to follow is about half of what you are budgeting for your photographer. So if you are budgeting $3,000 for your photographer then you should budget about $1,500 your DJ. Now if you have a photography budget of $3,000 and are only budgeting $200 for your DJ there is something wrong. Once again, you want a DJ that specializes in weddings and not graduation parties, frat parties, birthday parties, etc. There is a real art in DJing a wedding and coordinating everything that goes on during the reception. A good wedding DJ will work with you on your ceremony music and the music for the reception which will leave lots of time for you to go out and take care of the other details of the wedding.

Hiring your DJ: Just call me. :) I had to throw that in. When you sit down with various DJ Services find out the fees and what is included. Are you hiring them for the entire evening or just 4 hours? How much per hour overtime? Travel charges? How much to set up at the ceremony and provide music for that also? Will they play background music during the dinner? Will they be at the rehearsal or provide you with a cd for the rehearsal? How many times can you meet with the DJ before the wedding to work out music without paying extra fees? Find out who your actual DJ will be and meet with that DJ. Ask for wedding references and call them to see how that DJ handled their wedding and if the were happy with him. Was he on time? Dressed professionally, i.e. tuxedo? Did he handle the mic appropriately? Did he play requests? Did he play the music the Bride and Groom wanted to hear or his own play list? Did he refrain from playing the songs that the Bride and Groom asked not be played? How was the sound system? Did he interact with the guests? Did he provide music for the ceremony and how was it? Did he get drunk? Did he take any breaks?

Now, if you are hiring a Live Band you will want to find out just what their abilities are to play requests from your guests. What type of music do they play? Can they play other types of music? Are they able to play the songs you want for your first dance and other special dances? Do they take requests? Breaks? What do they do as far as music during their breaks? Can they play background music during the dinner? How late will they play? Overtime charges? Travel charges? You will want wedding references from the bands and then call these references. Ask the same questions as for a DJ.

Just a quick word about Karaoke and weddings. Karaoke is great fun in a bar but do you really want all the dancing to stop while your Uncle Frank who has had way too many margaritas sings New York, New York totally out of tune and 3 stanzas behind the music and then insists on doing 2 encores? I didn't think so.